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Sending a stubborn loved one to an Assisted Living Facility
When it comes time to suggest to a stubborn loved one that they would be better suited being in an assisted living facility with friends their same age and a staff that can assist them with daily living chores it can be hard. Not everyone likes the idea of being forced into a place they themselves did not decide to go to.
Memory disease can be a problem during the move
Usually when it is the children deciding where the parent should go is likely do to the parent having a memory disorder such as dimentia or alzheimer’s. The resident just does not know what is best for them and cannot remember from one day to the next what priorities should be followed for quality of life.
How to convince an elderly loved on to go to an Assisted Living Facility
The best way to convince a stubborn loved one who has a mental disorder from hardening of the arteries, dimentia or alzhiemer’s would be to play along in their fantasy. They likely believe they are in the wrong town or even someone elses house while you take care of them. They unfortunately do not always listen to logic because they are not thinking in reality.
What is considered unethical lieing and what is appropriate when dealing with dementia patients?
When it gets to this point there is a fine line between lieing to your loved on in a cruel unhelpful way and lieing to them along with their fantasy in a way to get them to take care of daily tasks and chores. Some parents will fight and scream before they will go take a shower. They believe they have had one already. A simple coxing into the shower by saying something like, “hey dad, lets go take a look at that brush of your in the bathroom. You like that brush don’t you?” Then progressing to saying something like, “hey you like to look good don’t you before you go out?” He may say, “yes” He might start talking about something. Play along in the moment and role with what he says. Play into his fantasy like you understand and some how steer it to that he needs to take a shower to do whatever it is he wants to do. Even though he may be talking complete nonsense you will have accomplished getting your dad to take a shower.
Strategy to get your dad in the facility
Now getting a loved one to go to an assisted living facility is done in a similar manner. You could be driving in the car and he may start thinking he is in his town. He may object to going into an assisted living facilitity but you could say something like, “Hey dad, let’s go try out this place and play some games for a little bit. Would you like to play dominoes?” If he gets agitated about the idea of living in a retirement community then just talk about the games.
Before you know it he will think he lives in the facility for the time being and you can make your way out after leaving him with the staff. This strategy is only for those who have a bad case of dementia or other memory loss disorders. It’s to protect you and your loved one because if not done tactfully fighting often times occurs. When you come to visit him you can play down any fears he has and bring out the positives about the place he is living. Play games and take walks with him. If he thinks he is back in his home town don’t discourage that type of thinking because he will not be convinced otherwise.
If you believe the assisted living facility you placed your dad or mom is abusing your loved one then you want to come unannounced and quite often to catch the neglect or abuse. Come when they least expect it and if you do see abuse you need to call the number below. These are volunteer government helpers who will help you to legally do something about this. You may also call them to be referred to a quality assisted living facility based on the crime data they have.
Speak to an information and referral specialist today to learn more about where to place your loved one.
Texas LTC Ombudsman Program Advocate for residents
Information, assistance, complaints
1-800-252-2412
www.dads.state.tx.us