09.28.07
Emotional Experiences of a Family Member Caregiver
When illness turns family members into caregivers there is often strong emotional experiences that the caregiver goes through.
Sadness: It is disturbing to see a loved one rendered physically helpless, particularly if the injury had a sudden onset. But the advent of cognitive deficits, causing changes in the patients personality and behavior, are generally found by researchers to be far more wrenching for families. When even so simple a task for the caregiver as sharing the events of one’s day and being understood is precluding by a patients dimentia, the loss of companionship is profound. Decreases in functioning, especially intellectual capacity, will often force patients who were working to retire, creating economical hardships for the family. When other family members shift to shoulder the bread-winning burden while also assisting the patient more at home with daily activities, they suffer dramamtically increased workloads and drastically reduced personal time. Some caregivers find relief in tears and take solace from sharing their mornful feelings with others who respond understandingly. Many caregivers however feel uncomfortable about expressing sadness and shame. They typicallycite several objections: 1-”I don’t want to feel sad because it will make me depressed.” 2-”I don’t want to express sadness because other people will think that I’m weak.” 3-”What do I have to feel sad about when I’m not the one who is disabled?” or 4-”I’m afraid that if I express sadness, it will make my loved one feel worse.” Generally though empathizing with the caregiver’s sadness is one of the most effective ways that a patient can give back something meaningful to the person who has made sacrifices on his behalf. When a caregiver is willing to take the risk of expressing sadness to a loved one in a non-blaming way, it most often results in a greater feeling of comunion or shared mission between the two that helps them both feel better understood and supported.
Anger: Caregiver anger depends mostly on the relationship between the patient and the caregiver before the illness. At its simplest, it takes the form of blaming the patient for bringing the tragedy upon the family. The sting of being unjustly trapped often lies at the root of anger. Sometimes the anger isn’t toward the patient but at God. Anger must be dealt with promptly or it will turn into bitterness.
Worry: Every family member of one who is suffering worries. But a caregiver must be careful not to worry him or herself too much or he/she will get burned out.
Guilt: Many family members feel guilty that their loved ones have become ill as if it is their fault. A family member might feel guilty that he or she hasn’t visited a loved one in the nursing home. Also there may be guilt because a relationship went soar before the illness took place. It is never too late to love. Visit that family member in the nursing home. Start talking and praying for him or her.
