09.30.09
Is it Time for Dad to Stop Driving?
Driving is one of the hallmarks of a person’s independence. But there often comes a time when a person’s age, eyesight, and health begin to affect his or her performance behind the wheel. Sadly, the elderly driver himself often does not recognize that his skills have diminished. It might take years for the terrified passengers in the back seat (or in the oncoming traffic) to speak up and tell him, “It’s time to stop driving.â€
Here are a few signs to be looking out for:
Slow reaction time. You may notice this in many different facets of your loved one’s life, not just driving. But when he fails to react to changing conditions around him–break lights ahead, pedestrians crossing the street unexpectedly, large debris in the middle of the road–it can become dangerous. It may not be time to send him to an elder care facility but it is just time to keep him safe by considering limiting some things he can do that just are not that safe for him anymore.
More blind spots: “I didn’t see them coming†is the mantra of a driver whose blind spots are “growing.†That’s not to say he is going blind, of course, although deterioration in eyesight is almost inevitable. More than likely, dad’s concentration level is just not what it used to be. Sometimes he forgets to check his mirror before he changes lanes. Usually, everything turns out just fine. But eventually, the law of averages could catch up to him.
Hard breaking might be a sign that his depth perception is not very clear. If you frequently get nervous when he approaches stop lights because he hasn’t slowed down, you might have cause for concern. The hard breaking that follows is disconcerting for you and the person he almost rear-ended. Dad might tell you that he always drove that way, and it might be true. But his eyes are not as good as they used to be now, and he simply can’t afford to keep those habits.
Trouble Staying in His Lane: Is he constantly over-compensating for tiny adjustments in his driving lane? Do the people passing you stay way over to the left side because he makes them nervous? This is dangerous.
Near misses: How many times have you said “That was too close, dad†lately? Any of these factors can end up almost getting your dad or loved one in a bad car accident. If the near misses start piling up, it’s time to talk.
But how do you talk with him without offending him?
This might be difficult to do. He’s been driving for fifty years, he will tell you, and he doesn’t need to stop now. A good rule of thumb is to not drop a giant bomb on him all at once, with ten of his kids and grandkids around him telling him how they feel. That could be unnecessarily humiliating. Start smaller. When your driving with him and you notice one of those signs, tell him gently that he needs to be careful, and has he considered using the bus instead? Bring it up again later, gently, without nagging.
Present him with well thought-out alternatives. Public Transportation: Can a bus take him to the senior center? Can his buddy give him a ride to the lodge? Can you go pick him up to bring him over on Sundays? These options are important because they could allow him to keep some level of independence, which is the real issue.
If things escalate–if he repeatedly ignores your concerns and stubbornly insists on driving–it may be time for one of those larger family interventions. And if his driving gets too dangerous, you might have to take even more extreme measures for his own safety, like calling your local Department of Transportation office.
But if you are watching for the signs and if you are honest with him early on, those should not be necessary. If you show him how much you care with your vigilant attitude, he is more likely to hand over the car keys himself.